Those Words shared by A Parent That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of being a father.

Yet the reality rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a wider inability to talk amongst men, who still absorb damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a show of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to request a break - going on a few days away, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."